Life's a Catch-22

The past year has felt like an out of body experience, I think 90% of it has to do with lack of sleep, which I'm pretty sure is crucial for survival, but I've learned not really a necessity most nights, (well to our 9 month old at least).

The struggle is real over here, day in and day out I’m doing the "mama life," with a little bit of business and self care thrown in.  I remember these days not so long ago with my first; where working, being creative, daily hygiene and cleaning the house wove in and between nap time, playtime and eating. 

 baby laying on the ground surrounded by stuff

Am I really suppose to choose which one is the most important?  One keeps me sane, the other one helps pay the bills, and the one well keeps me from stinking and living like a college frat kid.  You choose which is which.

Life with small children is hard, and hard is such a strange word.  It's hard in the sense that you completely have to lose who you are for a good portion of your life.  Sure things might start to get easier as the kids grown up, but you are still pulled in many directions and wearing lots of hats on any given day.  It's not about being perfect, perfect doesn't have a place here.

I find myself lacking the motivation to do simple life tasks...like showering.  Which confuses my husband to no end because he could live in the shower.  But the way I look at it, I can either shower or work, work or clean (listen, who else is going to do it?), I could either clean or make another cup of coffee.  I could shower or put makeup on (I can't do both people), or just sit in front of the freaking TV or take a nap.  I can't do "both," of anything.

Anyway, this season of life makes it really hard to feel creative, push myself out of my comfort zone or function like a human being.  So, even though we aren't in the newborn phase anymore, we are still in the meeting everyone's basic needs phase, including my own.  And that makes it hard to be a mom, wife, friend, business women, or a decent human being.

 Sisters at the dinner table

Motherhood is all kinds of things, hard, boring, wonderful, boring, hard, exhausting, joyful, boring; most days you just feel like a crazy person because you go through so many emotions.  I just want to point out that it's all normal.  And though Motherhood is probably the hardest job ever, it always has it's rewards and benefits 100X over.  Plus, the day will come where you'll feel like you can do the things again, maybe even multi-task like a boss.

So I preference this because I haven't been posting, blogging, or shooting as much as I'd like.  But my babies are still babies and I thank you for your patience.  I am however, still growing, as an artist, business women and person... so be on the look out for new changes, more me, and more real photos. 

Thanks for riding this crazy journey with me!

 little girl dancing